Wonder of Being Born

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The other day, when I was drinking with lovely old ladies, one of them told me a mystic story.

Before she knew she was pregnant with her second baby, her daughter ran up to her and abruptly said, “A baby is coming. A baby is coming in spring!” When asked about the sex of the baby, she answered “a boy”, and a baby boy was really born next spring.

Children sometimes amaze adults with a certain greatness comes which comes from their innocence. When the little girl was asked if the name of the baby was decided, she answered, “Doraemon!” The surreality which kids show in mind-boggling adults is amusing. The siblings are grown up now and they are so close to each other. We had a good time talking that the baby might have come at his sister’s call.

I hear that it is not a coincidence that a person is born. It is often said that they choose their mother before they are born. I once have felt that. It was when I experienced a regression therapy, which even traces you back not only to your childhood memory but to your previous life’s memory.

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In my memory, I was not born yet and was looking down from a very very high place. Far below were countless numbers of sparkling grains of sand-like things. It was not a vision, but I could sense it. All of sudden, I chose my mother from the grains of sand with definite confidence that she was the one, and I flew to it as a slit of light. It was for only a moment but I was very hopeful and fully motivated.

The next moment, I was curled up in a womb. It was as if I was trapped in a spaceship, which was about to launch. Suddenly, I was caught up with the terrible feeling of regret. Oh no. What have I done? I was motivated to be born and live a life under the circumstance I had lost memories. But now I remembered how hard it was to live on this earth. It was too late. I was already locked on and couldn’t do anything but be born…… Then I lost the sensation.

Though I had tried various therapeutic things out of curiosity, I was not the type who easily got visions or sensations. So it was the vivid experience and the sense of exaltations I had when I found my mother and regret that attacked me was so real that I remember it well.

I wonder why I was motivated so much. I cannot agree more that I that a bird cries too late when it is taken. I cannot but laugh about myself who has lived up to forty feeling that way. A piece of memory from my early teen years come back to me.

If my memory is correct, it was in a scene of Seito Shokun!, a comic by Yoko Shoji. The heroin Nucky says in her speech: Babies are born with their hands clenched. They were holding happiness in them. But once they open up their hands, happiness flees away. Humans live to catch the happiness again with their hands.

I was so thrilled by the line and told my mother , the one I had chosen with total confidence, about the story. Then she said, “ You know what? You were born with your hands fully open.”

Right. It seems that I had picked paper, not rock when I was born.

Where on earth is my happiness?

This post is also available in : Japanese

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